Unputdownable on the Costa del Luxe this year, this unique guide to drinking in Newcastle is full of summery bitterness and spite-in-sunglasses, and is almost as funny as a crying child next to a dropped ice-cream.

With bikini-clad spelling mistakes and – phew! – topless typos, the Burglar's Dog Alternative Guide to Drinking in Newcastle will have you hot under the collar, guaranteed. It’s a scorcher!

All this and the biggest, sunniest use of the word "SHITE" in modern publishing!

Here are just a few of the quotes we took out of context when the book first came out:

"An incredibly funny, read-bits-out-to-your-mates, statement   of truth" - Robert Meddes, The Crack "Vitriolic" - Coreena Ford, Sunday Sun "Every review in this book is hilarious" - Claire Dupree, NARC. "Had me in stitches" - Andrew Watson, Upfront "Beautifully written, and it's very, very funny" - Ian Robinson,  BBC Radio Newcastle "Refreshing" - Thomas Bagnall, NEON "Weighty and well researched tome" - Peter Dixon, Informer "Expletive-spliced" - Tony Henderson, The Journal "It's not up to much, is it?" - Ian Carlton, Gateshead Libraries

Waiter! Another vat of sangria, please! For factor-24 belly laughs with just a hint of a welcome sea breeze, this is the ideal accompaniment to your holiday.

• If you're kicking back with a lazy day on a deserted beach, we'll make you appreciate just how far you've travelled from the rancorous scum of your hometown.
• If you're topping up your bucket-shop tan, we'll top up your anger for that all-important Faliraki fistfight.
• And if you're up a mountain or the spire of a world-famous cathedral, we'll cause you to wonder what the sweet Jesus fuck you're doing there. Get DOWN, man.