Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?

Out NOW, published by tonto press and available at:

Trumpet blowing? Aye, go on then...

"Vitriolic" - Coreena Ford, Sunday Sun
"Every review in this book is hilarious" - Claire Dupree, NARC.
"Had me in stitches" - Andrew Watson, Upfront
"Refreshing" - Thomas Bagnall, NEON
"Weighty and well researched tome" - Peter Dixon, Informer
"It's not up to much, is it?" - Ian Carlton, Gateshead Libraries

Also available from: (these are all links, by the way)

The Burglar's Dog Alternative Guide to Drinking in Newcastle upon Tyne

Featuring over 150 reviews, a spattering of furious features, exclusive new pictures of that damned dog in ever-more ridiculous fancy dress, and printed on crisp, white pages, this mighty anthology has all the anger and spite you've come to expect from The Burglar's Dog... without the internet eyestrain.

Why not:

• Hide it under your mattress like a dirty magazine

• Read it and pittle yourself on the bus to work

• Pop it in your lunchbox as one of your 5-a-day

Just look at the size of it, man. Nearly 300 pages! Prop up a table leg? You could build a bloody two-storey extension with this compendium of curmudgeonly carping, and still have enough left to knock together an all-year barbecue. And with Christmas just around the corner, this handy stocking filler will leave you with one less what-to-buy headache in the festive rush. It's a win-win situation!

Check out these promotional photos, taken for us by the ghost of Henri Cartier-Bresson:

Lordy, it's really real!		Exclusive daft pictures!
Ironic celebrity dismissal!		300 pages of bile!
Gratuitous trompe l'oeil!		Large print obscenities!
Barcode!		Fuck aye!

You having that?

Why not contact us at the usual address to tell us what you think?

NB: You may find it helpful to know whilst composing your rant that the noun sell-out (as in "You grubby little...) is hyphenated, while the verb TO sell out isn't.

Thank you for shopping with us today.