Everyone needs a holiday from the daily grind, and the Burglar's Dog is no different. Each of us will be jetting off to warmer climes in the coming months, looking for relaxation, recuperation and a respite from the tacky theme bar. Be it on the sandiest of shores or in the most picturesque of cities, we'll be free from the stress, the heartache and the unrelenting tedium of this balls-achingly pointless site of ours. Let's be honest: nobody - not even pathetic losers like us - wants to spend endless hours hunched over a hot keyboard when the sun's high in the sky. Agreed? But, we'd hear you cry if we stuck a blade at your throat, what happens should a new bar open in the Dog's absence, or any contentious issue arise in the meantime? What then?

Never fear: the Dog is thinking about you, always. And that's why we've devised a FREE cut out 'n' keep fridge magnet review kit to keep you occupied during the long summer months. If you find yourself missing our tired drivel and puerile insults, then simply follow the instructions on this page and your worries will be over. Just imagine: when you nip back to the fridge for another cold one, you can conjure up your own Burglar's Dog feature with the flick of a wrist! Why, that's almost as much effort as we put in to our sorry articles.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ASSEMBLY Print this page and keep it safe (you'll need it later!) First, gather together your equipment: you'll need a good quality horseshoe magnet, some glue, a pair of sharp scissors and a sturdy workbench. And a fridge, like. For your reference, a magnet is pictured in Fig. 1. Nice, isn't it?	Fig. 1
Using an ordinary household bacon slicer, slice the magnet into thin slivers approximately 2.5mm thick (see Fig. 2). Be sure to wear safety goggles and to keep all clothing, hair, jewellery and stupid charity wristbands free of the mechanism. You might want to ask your family butcher to help you with this stage.	Fig. 2
Take your printed page and carefully cut round all the words and the embarrassing dog picture from the tear-off lower half, as shown in Fig. 3. It's very important that you pay particular attention to cutting along the lines, so you'd better ask a grownup to supervise you, or at least lay off the Sambuca for a while.	Fig. 3
Make like the wind with the Pritt Stick (Fig. 4), painstakingly affixing your itty bits of profanity and juvenilia to your dangerously sharp slices of magnet. You may need to use extra big bits of magnet for the longer words, or attach several together, remembering of course to check the North-South polarity of each piece.	Fig. 4
Chuck (Fig. 5) your assembled magnetic words in the general direction of the fridge door, where they will stick to give you your instant Burglar's Dog review. Probably. Your kit can be used over and over again, making it a really easy to create thousands of reviews and features using just a few stock words and phrases. After all, that's exactly what we've been doing all these years.	Fig. 5

Did you get all that?

Hopefully the image for the rest of this weak concept should have downloaded while you were reading all that bollocks at the top of the page. It should be under the dotted line.

Happy flingin'. We'll see you when we get back.

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You can write your own words in these boxes if you prefer. Perhaps your own choice of vulgarity, or maybe the name of that brand new pub just over the horizon.