It contains thirteen spelling mistakes, lasts barely 200 words and has a style that would leave modern readers asking, "What the f...?".

But to the experts, this coffee-stained scrap of paper found in an attic in the North East of England is of huge historical and linguistic importance.

Not only is it the first pub review ever written in Britain, but it contains the world's earliest recorded use of the word "pissflappery". Reviewing the now long-demolished Farmer's Rest in Newcastle's Haymarket, it was published in August 1948 by pioneering journalist Cyril Scrotum, an antecedent of at least three members of today's piddle-poor Burglar's Dog website.

The faded review page is the crown jewel in a priceless collection of immediate post-war bellyaching that has been found, sandwiched between copies of Spanker and Girdle Gals, in a pensioner's attic where it had been gathering dust for nearly 60 years.

The extraordinary find could have gone up in flames at any time over the last half century due to an unlikely combination of a hole in the roof, a southern-facing aspect and, like, a pair of champagne bottle geps left directly in the line of the sun's most powerful rays.

And experts say the review would have degenerated beyond repair had it gone undiscovered for another three months.

As it was, the hoard - which also includes a hooky ration book, an "Ein Volk, Ein Führer!" poster and a pamphlet for Balmbra's "Club Doodlebug" night featuring DJ ITMA - was found only after a chance rummage by pensioner Frank Winnit.

Mr Winnit, 79, who lives in Blakelaw, Newcastle, said: "The fuck's this shite, like? I certainly had no idea that it could have gone up in smoke and my house with it.

"I can only think that someone up above wanted this bollocks to be found one day. Thank God it was discovered in time. It's hard to believe that I've had the start of the Burglar's Dog sitting in my attic all this time."

Although badly aged and almost illegible along its folds, this charming curio clearly displays the prescient line, "the sooner they build a branch of Marks & Spencer out the back, and then knock this fucking dump down to make way for an extension, the better." We think.

The review is scheduled for months of painstaking restoration work, after which it will be displayed next to some shoddy photo of Fats Domino in the diabolical theme bar Old Orleans, which was built near the site of the Farmer's Rest as a pitiful compensation for the loss of an historical landmark. Balls.

Reader comments (3)

3 people have commented on this story so far. Tell us what you think below.

Hooray for people like Frank Winnit! - Martin Sunday-Supplement, London, UK

God bless those attics! - Xavier Delamerde, Montreal, Canada

Call this a fucking feature? It took you all summer to come up with this? What have you been doing, you lazy cunts? Putting a book together? - Harry Knackers, Gateshead, UK

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