The Burglar's Dog Readers Poll 2003

Ant & Dec: 'No' is not in their vocabulary.

Ant & Dec: bloody everywhere

...Vote NOW...Vote NOW...Vote NOW...Vote NOW...

As the nights grow cold and thoughts turn to the torments of Christmas shopping, deep rooted human instinct causes us to seek shelter from the elements, to take stock of the year, and to try - against all odds - to do as little as we possibly can.

As we write, the Burglar's Dog sits licking its nuts on its tatty tartan blanket, praying that this month - just for a change - someone will help it out with its life's work. What's that, you scabby hound? A Burglar's Dog Readers Poll? Why, that's just the thing to pad out the site in the dreary weeks before the Christmas special. After all, it's what every other bloody two-bit rag does at this time of year.

We'd like you, the readers, to let us know how you found drinking in Newcastle this year, by giving us your nominations for our arbitrary categories and voting for whatever has gripped your shit over the past twelve months. Just fill in the category boxes below, add some crap at the bottom if you can be chewed, and click "Send". We'll be making a donation to charity for each form received, and we're not joking, either.

Remember: Once the nominations are in and the votes counted, the results of the Burglar's Dog Readers Poll 2003 will be made public at a lavish star-studded awards ceremony at Newcastle Telewest Arena*, hosted by TV's cheeky chappies Ant & Dec**.


The categories are:

Ponciest bar


Rudest doormen


Smelliest toilets


Most over-priced drinks


Most flaptastic+ establishment (+Or "full of fit blokes" equivalent)


The George & Dragon Memorial "Biggest Shithole" award


Highest density of punchable customers


Most irritating pub gob-shite


Most noticeable celebrity on the piss


Pub with the easiest quiz machine


Bar into whose ashtray you'd like tipped your cremated remains


Funniest thing seen in a pub this year


Worst pint


Song you wish they'd stop playing / remove from jukebox


Most embarrassing pub makeover




Please add any further information you would like to add in support of your answers: (Continue on a separate sheet if necessary.)







  
Thank you for wasting your time with us.

Soulless fucking shed Sally Gunnell - naked in association with

Executive relief with a fresh lemon zest

* Not THAT Ant & Dec, obviously. ** Or THAT Newcastle Telewest Arena.