Christmas took you by surprise again? Not bought any cards yet? Making vague noises about giving money to charity instead? You're not alone. But worry no longer: we're here to save you the miserable £1.99 (for a pack of ten assorted designs) that you would have wasted on letting the people who love you know how much you care about them.

Here's the drill: print this crappy little card that we knocked together in five minutes using last year's festive picture, cut it out with as much care and attention as you can muster, stick it in an old envelope from one of the many cards you've received, and then bung it through some fucker's door. Easy.

Alternatively, why not copy and paste the image into an e-mail and add it to all the other pointless shit clogging up the information super highway at this time of year?

Whichever option you choose, remember that - just like you - we really, really couldn't give a monkey's about anything to do with the sorry commercial sham that is the modern Christmas. Except for that nice single malt you've bought us, obviously.

The Burglar's Dog will be here all through the festive period to take your calls and e-mails, lending a sympathetic ear to any problems that may have arisen through, say, overspending, ill health, or trying to ram the Christmas tree down your lass's fucking throat. We know how tempers get frayed at Christmas, and aim to do our level best in aggravating the situation further.

And please bear in mind that our Readers Poll staff will be working split shifts over Christmas to deal with your nominations for the event of the year. There's nothing better to release the tension and frustration at getting really shitty presents than typing rude things about pubs into a third-rate website's poll page.

Keep 'em flooding in, using this here link.

All the best.

The Burglar's Dog

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